Getting Close To Lent

Well, Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday for those who only speak English) is coming soon and then Ash Wednesday wherein we put ashes upon our forehead in order to show that we are dead to the world and eternally sorrowful for our sins (Oh God am I sorrowful!). Then we are expected to fast during Lent. No meat... No sugar... No coffee... No fun...

Really, I don't hold with the six weeks of self-deprivation which Lent represents. Not that I'm against self-deprivation for spiritual purposes but Lent is really very empty. The Christian faith is dying slowly or maybe it is just re-adjusting itself into a new configuration. Afterall, 400 years ago just posting this would have gotten me a rather nosy visit from the Office of The Inquisition. So maybe it's all just an adjustment.

In any regards I'm interested in what people who actually practice Lent are going to give up this year.



I plan on giving up cigarettes (Stuart, you don't smoke!). See how well that works??

Mazeltov!! (wink)

Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

It seems like most of the really stupid things I've ever done have been because I want to get noticed. I really don't like that about myself. I seem to have a really pathetically crippled ego who wants recognition because he really doesn't believe that he's good enough. I keep this ego on a chain as much as I can, but he's slippery. I really don't think I can "fix" this factor. I just have to try to outgrow the situation, somehow.

Riddle Me This!

Who is it who says, "I cannot stand myself anymore?"

When I find that I've said this in my head, I seem to more than one person. If one of these persons is the "real" me... who's the other guy?

Stranded Starfish Have No Place To Hide

Translation

Pearls don't know of their preciousness.
Cast detritus, worried grit in rounded
suppuration they winkle darkly in dank fleshy
lips which calmly wait the diver's clutch.

In tidal pool of missing intercessions I
gathered my nets of broken conversation.

Perilously close to grave intent
I mirrored a world made violent by nightmare
movie previews and fraternal knifings.

But I digress.

The pearl of the oyster calmly awaits its
declaration. The ugly duckling wishing for
oblivion could not
crash more unexpectedly, blinking, into light.

Squonk!

Regard me no more, I am the oyster

and the pearl awaits your delving.

Stuart Andrew Marshall Tanner



No... it's not about suicide. It's about finding the inner core of oneself and honoring its value.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

In the strange history of the "Holy" Roman Catholic Church the legend of Valentine's Day ranks up there as one of the more colorful myths. I really don't care if he was real or not, I really don't care if the date was "fixed" by the church to make sure that pagan celebrations were folded into the new religion, what I care about is that we really need a day dedicated to love.

This is it. Enjoy.

And I leave you with this most heart-felt Valentine. (I only wish I had written it originally)


Burgundy Heart-Shaped Medallion

If I had a spell of magic,
I would make this enchantment for you.
A burgundy heart-shaped medallion
with a window that you could look through.

So that when all the mirrors are angry
with your faults and all you must do,
you could peek through that heart-shaped medallion,
and see you from my point of view.

Be Mine.

Aegean Stables... Redux!

You would think that a man who likes to write and has spent many years in offices as one particular flunky or another would have his home paperwork situation in hand but that wasn't the case.

I had a large filing cabinet (floor mounted style) into which I threw all my receipts, bank statements, tax forms, letters from friends etc. It is big... It holds lots of paper... But after four years somethin' gotta give.

What prompted a change was the fact that I needed a form I KNEW was in there but I couldn't find. I finally just reached my bottom and admitted I had to do something about the situation. So...

For the last three days I have been sorting through the pile of stuff. It was an avalanche of paper which I sorted into three piles. They were: throw away now, shred before throwing away, keep because it's important. Then I went to work shredding. Since I don't own a shredder I had to do it with scissors (boy is my hand tired!) and then stir liberally to make sure no dumpster diver could ever figure out what was there. Then I sorted the stuff that needed saving and placed the paperwork into Manila envelopes with labeling on the outside and sorted the cabinet and filed the envelopes neatly and then cleaned up the mess in my bedroom/office. I am very proud of myself. I think I'll order Chinese food to celebrate... I'm too pooped to cook.

I know I didn't do it all in one day like Hercules did but I didn't have a river handy.

I DID IT!!!

One of my favorite books of all times is "The Ronin" by Jennings wherein he tells a story taken from an old zen fable. In the book the main character, the ronin, finds himself in a horrible life which he cannot stand. At this point, he sees that he cannot live with what has happened and he cries out, "I DID IT!" as he turns and runs from the life he created.

I did it...

I don't think that until recently I have really understood in depth just what is the horribly real truth behind this line. We did it. This world we live in is ours and our creation and if we don't like it, we must take full responisbility in this moment without trying to lay blame elsewhere if we want to begin to change it to a better world.


We've got to stop trying to blame others when we find ourselves with outcomes to our lives which we don't like. We've got to start 'being here now' so that we can be good gardeners of our garden Earth.

Rant over.

So We're Done With Football... For Now

Well The Steelers won... as 'The Doctor' predicted... Now we can go back to doing other things on Monday evenings and the wives will be able to get a word in edgewise again.

I'm not a huge football fan... I like the game and I played it when I was in school.

However, I'm not a huge fan and I don't seem to get the way people become so attached to a team so that they feel that the team represents them. As far as I can see, it's an interesting assortment of professionals who will be fighting for the other team next year if the money's good enough.

I like the 49'ers I grew up in SF so they're my "home team" but my self-esteem doesn't rise and fall over who wins or how well "my" team does. I just don't understand.

Can somebody explain it to me?

Oh The Joys Of Water!

My mother said when I was a child that I was probably a dolphin (porpoise) in my last life. This is because I used to like to spend so much time in the water... I loved the weightless feeling I get when I'm in the water, when my whole body is suspended and I love it still. I can stay in a pool until I'm in dangerous need of dry land and my fingers have become prune-like claws.

The joys of this weightless feeling is so complete that I can forget where I am at times. I have tried sensory deprivation tanks and I love them. I love the amniotic sac of the tank which takes me back to the quiet before thinking.

But really, all this is about swimming. Why is it that swimming is so much fun for me when other forms of exercise piss me off?

I guess I am a dolphin... or maybe a manatee... (yeah, that's it! I'm a manatee! Slow, lumbering, kind, fat, big, sweet, stupid...)



Now if I can only find a woman like the one in the picture...